Is a frogs a** watertight?

That'll gag low flyin buzzards

It'll draw buzzards off a gut wagon.

Couldn't find his a** if it didn't have a smell to it

Stronger than stud horse piss with the foam farted off it

So tight you couldn't drive a sixteen penny nail up his a@@ with a sledge hammer.

smell so thick you could cut it with a knife.

"Kiss my old rusty and bark at the hole!"

Still the best one on here!

Its raining like a cow peain on a flat rock.
Colder than a witches teaty.
Sweating like a hoar in church.
Purty as a Georgia peach.
Kick yore arse so high, the birds will build a nest in it before it hits the ground.
He hit me so hard, my grandkids felt it.
Knock you in the middle of next week.
Sheating in high cotton.
Got a long row to hoe.
He was so big, he looked like he had a rocking chair on his head.
She screamed like a mountain lion.
He is tighter than Dicks hatband.
Drunker than Cudar Brown.
We drank enough beer to float a battleship.
He's deader than a hammer.
Dont bogart that joint.
and Tarzans last words --- "Who greased the grapevines."
Your cruising for a bruising.
Lower than whale sh--.
Smarter than a whip.
Rougher than a cob.

Forgot one:
I wouldnt pizz in his arse if his guts were on fire.

"He's so low that the cojones on a snake would look like a couple of sky scrapers"

Crazy as a crap house rat
Sweating like a whore in church

Describing a Woman w/ a big chest- walking towards you:

"Looked like 2 hogs fighting over an apple in a Gunny Sack"

or She's soooo Ugly that she would make a "Freight train take a dirt road".

or "If your Aunt had nuts she would be your Uncle"

or "If grasshoppers had machine guns, bird's wouldn't F@*# w/ them"

or It's Hotter than "Young Love" or It's Hotter than 2 rats making love in a Wool sock!!

I'll kick your arsh so hard you will have to part your hair to crap.

Worthless as teats on a boar hog.

*Ugly as a mud fence.

*I've got to pee so bad I can taste it.

*She thinks she pizzes perfume.

*Like selling your mule to buy a plow.

*I wish he had a feather up his arse and I had his truck. Then we'd both be tickled.

Her face is as course as a peanut patty.

" Well slap the dawg and spit in the fire ! "

Thats abut as worthless as tits on a boar hog!

That looks like a gnats [censored] sowed up with a grapevine

I'm so tired last night I went to bed hungry, and went to the supper table with a hard on

Worthless as balls on a priest.

That boy could screw up a mustard sandwich

That gal fell out of the ugly tree and hit every limb on the way down

Its not very long but it sure is skinny

As much fun as playing fetch with a blind dog

Hotter than a goat peeking in the window while you and momma are doing it.

Like watching a dog chase his tail (nascar)

That dog wouldn't know what to do with that car if he caught it.

That boy is slower than wet gun powder

Its dryer than a powderhouse

Its so dry the catfish got ticks on them.

Its so hot I saw a sparrow pull a worm out of the ground and he was using a pot holder.

That gal aint got enough clothes on to cover a jack rabbitt

That gals so bucktoothed she could eat corn thru a picket fence.

That gal's as cross eyed as a bat

He would rather climb a tree and tell a lie than stand on the ground and tell the truth.

Keep your screwing around 3 creeks crossed

I am so broke if it cost a nickel to crap I would have to throw up

I feel like I have been ate by a wolf and sh-- off a cliff

I feel like I was shot at and missed and sh*t at and hit.
The fish were biting so good you had to hide behind a tree to bait your hook.
It was so hot I saw a dog chasing a cat and they were both walking.
If I known I was going to live so long, I would have taken better care of myself.
First liar never has a chance.
The early bird may get the worm, but he second rat gets the cheese.

Was digging post-holes with my Dad once and it started to rain a bit. I thought we'd knock off and go inside. He said, "Where you going? Sugar melts, salt melts, but you're ok. Turds float."

Your uglier than a sack full of arsholes!

My old man always says "That will go over like a pregenat pole vaulter"

I ain't as old as dirt, but I was standing on the bank when GOD put the water in.

I'm so hungry my belly thinks my throats been cut.

I'm hungry as a young coyote.

She looks like her face caught fire and was put out with a pitchfork.

Stick that arm over here again and you'll draw back a nub.

If your I.Q. was ten points higher you could qualify to be a rock.

The only way anybody could be more clumsy than you is if there was someone who could trip over dust.