For what it is worth I am so sorry a couple of you guys had to go through what you went through...Discipline is love not abuse...

Some kids need it others don’t

However, they all need discipline, just need to find what’s best for each child.

I have spanked both my children but it’s been a couple years. They are 13 and 14.


I needed it and am thankful my dad beat my [censored] as a kid. However, at about 16-17 years old it came to a head and we almost came to blows once or twice. If my dad was in better health (he has MS) believe it could have been very very ugly for me.

I still cringe when I hear leather clear belt loops.

I got to thinking today about this thread and the whole anger vs never angry thing, and I get both people's points, and I couldn't figure out how it was *possible* to agree with both sides of that, until I thought of this: there's a difference between being angry when you do it vs deciding to do it *because* you are angry. As I said, it's only happened to me four time, and a couple of those times my mom was clearly mad, and I can see the argument some of y'all make about how it isn't bad for me to know that my behavior angered her......but all four times was for something that either was a *clear* spanking offense in my house (dishonesty, danger, or direct disobedience) or something I'd been DIRECTLY warned about, so I never had that "mom is deciding to hurt me because she's angry" fear that I think people are worried about when they say "never spank in anger." In other words, she may have been angry, but it was still a logical consequence she would have found fair even if not angry, and I think that makes a difference. I don't think you should go hitting your kids just because you got so angry you couldn't think straight.....

For me, as a man.....it's easy to hit harder than you intended to when you're angry. I always tried to cool off first.

When I was a kid, I got spanked a couple of times, and deserved it. My parental boundaries were clear on what was allowed and what was not. And it was that way with our daughters. We only spanked them a few times, and truthfully I don’t remember ever spanking the older one. Ah, but the younger one was always pushing our hot buttons.

Those daughters raised their kids differently. The older raised hers as she was raised - spanking few and far between. But spanking when required. The younger married a guy that had been beaten by his dad, so he was against any sort of discipline. It showed as they grew up.

Years ago an old uncle told me “you think your kids are so smart, until they start raising your grandkids”. Truer words were never spoken.

My oldest Son has given me 2 Grandsons so far, and I couldn't be prouder of that young man. He never gave me any trouble growing up and is a hard working family man that puts his wife & kids first. It's fun to watch him with his boys....he's a caring respectful person trying to make his way in this life....and he knows I'll still give him a knuckle sandwich .

My oldest daughter though, when it's her turn......well I just hope she grows up soon.

Wise man, but I am proud of how my 3 children with kids are raising theirs. It's their spouses I have a problem with. The boy's wife I call a "minnow". Mother-in-name-only.

I spanked our boys early and often as needed. No hesitation, no counting to three and no warningother than a look. They are 23 and 20 today and are the best exceptional, personable, respectful men. We have an amazing relationship. Proud of those boys. Much of the credit goes to years of team sports.

Fathers should set the tone of expected behavior and respect early. But never spank when angry.

My dad was one of those that when it needed doing, it was whatever was handy. He could skin that narrow leather belt off his Khakis faster than a gar could skin a minnow but if it was easier, he'd just grab up whatever was handy - piece of a board, fan belt, rolled up extension cord, all come to mind.
It didn't take many times of that not to mess up and not to upset our mother.

This was after we were around 8 or 9. When we were little, he'd fold us over his knee while he was sitting down and just use his hand. Those stung pretty good but nothing like that belt or those handy garage accessories.

All three of us boys turned out ok and didn't get into too much trouble. My take away from that was after the lap spankings were past when we were little, it sure didn't take many of those other ones to get the message across. I used the same philosophy on my kids and they all turned out pretty darn well. If you do it right, it doesn't take very many.

Dad worked several jobs, so he was gone a bit. We always tried to get Mom to spank us before Dad got home. It seemed the best path to minimize punishment. Naturally, we squalled like we were dying.

I remember the skinny belt.

Daddy never used anything on me save his hands.

I took many more licks at school than I did at home. My grandfather was one hard SOB.

Didn't spank my 5 daughters. I slapped one of them once before I figured out that she was just pushing my buttons at 13 years old.
I did invest huge effort and time to guide them.

They are in their 30s and 40s now with happy successful lives, strong marriages and I have 12 grandkids.

I did not have daughters. I spanked my son when it was warranted. It wasn’t very often. When I did spank him I used a belt. It was behavior altering and wasn’t necessary often. I’m not sure if it hurt him or me more but it was something that needed doing. He has grown into a fine young man I am proud to call my son.

“He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him” (Proverbs 13:24)

Discipline and physical punishment are not the same. Do what works best for your kid and worry not about your neighbor.

Both of mine were spanked when they were younger, but as they got older, there were more effective methods of teaching lessons. Grounding them from devices or activities with friends is much more effective for them now.

We never spanked our daughter and she turned out great. She never got involved in with smoking, alcohol or any drugs drugs.
Her grades were always top 1% through all of her schooling including undergraduate and graduate programs. At 30, she owns her home outright and has virtually no other debt except for her new car. Yea, I will brag and say my wife and I did a great job being parents.

Mom's weapon of choice was a metal spatula and my dad's was a belt. I got a few when I was younger but learned pretty quick what the triggers were. As I got older I could out run my mom. With 6 kids if I could just avoid her for a while her attention would go elsewhere. I don't really recall spanking my kids very often. It was tough with the oldest because he was a stepson and his mom normally came to his defense.

Some things happen in spite of one self.

My mom used the handle of a metal fly scattered. Kinda like getting hit with a doubled up coat hanger.
Dad used the belt or anything thing that was in reach. I had an older sister and brother so I watched what they did and did the opposite, kept me out of trouble most of the time.

I disagree with you 100%.

Yes, indeed. I have some kids turn out rotten in spite of very good, solid parenting. I have also seen it the other way where a child does very well with rotten parents.

I believe in using whatever method works outside of abuse, obviously. I do not categorize spanking as abuse either. Spanking has proven to be ineffective for my kids and just makes me hate life afterwards. Now I try to be much more patient with them, talk them through it and the results have been pleasing. In the past the spankings were more of a quick fix and immature reaction to a problem that ultimately did not work.