When my mother-in-law started getting issues (she had broke her pelvis, then started showing dementia signs, my wife and I started looking for an assisted living facility that we could afford. After touring several, we realized that the assisted living wasn't a whole lot off from a nursing home and it was depressing. We made the decision to move her in with us and that was the best decision we have ever made. She was in a home (ours), she had her little dog, a kitchen to make what she wanted, and we lived on acreage on a dead end county road so she could walk and be safe. She eventually ended up with terminal pancreatic cancer, and we kept her home thru that as well. If you can, keep your parents in the home with you, you will not regret it, no matter how hard it is on occasion.

I’m now that parent/ grandfather/ great grandfather. 80 yoa with arthritis. Also getting forgetful. I still drive myself anywhere I want to go. But, when we are together, wife usually drives.

I found a financial analysis book in a closet recently. Looked interesting and challenging. Then I saw notes in my hand writing. It was from one of my grad school classes.

I haven’t done any hand loading for several years. Going to this weekend but will have my grandson observing. I don’t expect any problems but am being proactive.

Doing some self analysis to determine what it is best for me NOT to do. I’m doing that self analysis with written notes. Now, where did I put the notepad?

I walk a mile once or twice per day. But, due to a mild polio case when I was a child, I’ve always had to do that.

No way I’ll ever go into a nursing home or especially a memory place. Visit one and you’ll see why. That’s not a place to live. That’s the place you go to die.

Only the older members here can relate to this. The younger ones think it cannot happen to them.

None of my grandparents or parents were ever put in a nursing home.

Mr. Spacejunkie,
I know "exactly" what this situation is like.

Our family is roughly 4 years into dealing with our parents who got really old, "and showed it," and finally needed our help.

Our family is large, I have 1 brother and many sisters. Views on how to handle our parents health care and living situation absolutely ripped the family apart!

Family members do not associate with each other anymore if the view is opposed. (In a nutshell, women are always right, and also unforgiving! When they mad about "anything," they can hold onto grudges like nobody's business!) My sisters have ruined our family, and now, my brother and I have given up our lives, moved into our parents house in the country, and together WE decide what happens in that house! That's it, no discussion. Our parents care is priority.

** Plead or "instruct" your wife that she and her brother have got to talk and decide together how they will help her parents finish out their lives.
Of course, if the parents can decide for themselves and "instruct," that is better, but if it's up to the adult kids, they have to really hash it out and come to "like-minded thinking."
If they do not, "you" will hear about it daily, how horrible the brother is and how your wife is "right" about everything!

I KNOW HOW THIS PLAYS OUT!

...Blessings and prayers! +++

Have you looked into any type of at home care? Depending on their condition, that might be a better option than an IL/AL/SNF type place.

Even the really nice assisted living places smell like old people.

Try and find a place that has cottages that are not connected to the main building but still has services as needed. My Dad is in a place like this and it was definitely the best option for him.

Thanks for all the responses. The information that we gained from here has given my wife and I a game plan and she has her boxing gloves ready to handle her brother. With her parents approval we are going to go with getting some in home assistance as a first step to see how that works out. If that fails plan two will be determined from the way things go.

We are 4 brothers. One of us lived in another country. One was his usual self absorbed self. One brother and I looked after our parents. My wife was there more than me at times due to my work schedule.
When I got off the plane are IAH, I went to check on my mom and her father. Between my brother and our wives, we looked after them.
So don't count on a whole lot of help. As my wife did not work outside the home she lived with my parents as long as she could. Once they required physical lifting, advanced medical care, etc, she was unable to do much.
I was with my parents and her father when they passed.
If you do have to resort to a nursing facility for whatever the reason, be sure to visit them DAILY.
Remember....when you had to be fed and messed your pants..... they were there.

Praying for all of you guys going through watching your parents grow old. My dad died 2 weeks after suffering a stroke when he was 78. He had the stroke while tiding his shoes to go feed cows. Mom died 15 years later with 24/7 care the last three. God wii look after you and them.