Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them..

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: 'early.'

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi . When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

I don't have a daughter, but every one of those rules sound acceptable to me. As the father of two sons, I would expect those rules to be followed by them. If not- RULE # 9 seems appropriate.

I do have a daughter, and I will enforce all 10 rules.

very good

A man after my own heart.

I love it! Sounds very close to own personal plan for dating my daughter.

The boy will come in the house to meet me and talk about ther plans for the night.

WHen he arrives, to find me in the living room Butt naked ( I am 6' 240 lbs) with all of the tattoos from a wild and stupid youth of my own.

I will be cleaning one of my "black guns" and talking to it.

I will then inform the boy after the formal greetings that I have already spent half of my life in prison, and have no reservations about spending the other there if need be.

Also the final statement when they are walking out the door will be "ANYTHING that you do to my daughter, I will do to you!"

Oh yeah, her curfew is 9 pm, bet she is home by 8!

My daughter is married now.

When she was dating I was the guy described above.......no really.........ask her.


Tbar

I have two daughters who are no where near dating age yet. However, when they are, their little companions will have me along with their three older brothers watching over them.

+1 Tbar
My daughter is 22 and she knew what to look for in a boy. If mom & dad do their homework when the kids are young, they will not be disappointed. Maybe a few bumps along the way but well worth the effort. Son is 24 and happily married to a great young lady. Remember, the same rules should apply to the boys.

I have a daughter that's 18. These, I assure you, are not new to me. I like this one. As you see him get out of his car, fire off a few rounds out the back door. Then open the front door with pistol in hand.

I strongly suggest talking on an unplugged phone to a "friend" about how happy your daughter was with her date the night before and also what you plan on doing with the bodies you have stored in the walk-in freezer.

I have this printed up in a contract form and there is even a place for a Notary.....lol I had to change the agent orange part around a little bit cause I was still "just a swimmer" during that time...but have a 16 and 18 year daughter(s)Thanks for this post...it's great

Is there instructions on how to get'em not to date till they're 30?

I too have a young daughter. It struck me as funny how I used to be one of the boys this list is talking about and now I couldnt agree more with the dad who wrote it.