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Why women should not take men shopping
#401462
08/09/08 03:48 AM
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 31
Cobbershot
OP
Light Foot
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OP
Light Foot
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 31 |
This is why women should not take men shopping against their will After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to K Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from Our local K Mart. Dear Mrs. Reid, Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr.Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras. 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in House Wares. Get on it right away.' 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layby. 6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department. 8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' 9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose. 10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants and large knives were. 11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme. 12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ' Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels. 13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!' 14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!' And last, but not least 15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!' Regards, Joe Blog K Mart manager I like this idea. Cheers, Vince
Illegitimi non carborundum (Never let the bastards grind you down) It's been lonely in the saddle since the horsey died.
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Re: Why women should not take men shopping
[Re: Cobbershot]
#401463
08/09/08 03:58 AM
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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 13,735
helomech
THF Celebrity
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THF Celebrity
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 13,735 |
My wife refuses to bring me shopping.
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Re: Why women should not take men shopping
[Re: helomech]
#401464
08/09/08 04:17 AM
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 14,768
jeh7mmmag
gramps
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gramps
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 14,768 |
MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel . The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
Sound about right Vince!!!!!!
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Re: Why women should not take men shopping
[Re: jeh7mmmag]
#401465
08/09/08 04:20 AM
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 41,322
BMD
Silver Spoon
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Silver Spoon
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 41,322 |
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Re: Why women should not take men shopping
[Re: BMD]
#401466
08/09/08 05:39 AM
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 31
Cobbershot
OP
Light Foot
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OP
Light Foot
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 31 |
Spot on James...perfect mate.
Also...when you get daughters it gets even worse mate.
Cheers, Vince
Illegitimi non carborundum (Never let the bastards grind you down) It's been lonely in the saddle since the horsey died.
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Re: Why women should not take men shopping
[Re: jeh7mmmag]
#401467
08/09/08 05:18 PM
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Joined: May 2008
Posts: 284
MrsBirddog
Bird Dog
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Bird Dog
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 284 |
Quote:
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
Only if he is married and his wife picks out something suitable for him to wear! The Kmart thing sounds like something my husband would do! I know that he doesn't like to shop so I don't torture him and it makes my shopping that much more enjoyable!
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Re: Why women should not take men shopping
[Re: helomech]
#401468
08/10/08 03:30 AM
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Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 4,341
Rwuensch
Extreme Tracker
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Extreme Tracker
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 4,341 |
My wife keeps asking me to go, but I refuse.
We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "smart"?
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Re: Why women should not take men shopping
[Re: Rwuensch]
#401469
08/10/08 03:35 AM
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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 13,735
helomech
THF Celebrity
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THF Celebrity
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 13,735 |
I ask my wife if she wants me to go, and she says that is all right. I am not very good in crowds.
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Re: Why women should not take men shopping
[Re: helomech]
#401470
08/11/08 01:14 PM
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Joined: May 2008
Posts: 209
LadyTaxi
Woodsman
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Woodsman
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 209 |
LOL, all those were too funny
although, i must admit.....i am one of those who HATE shopping!
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Re: Why women should not take men shopping
[Re: LadyTaxi]
#401471
08/18/08 10:14 PM
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 7,304
Big Tony
THF Trophy Hunter
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THF Trophy Hunter
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 7,304 |
Aint it the truth. When my wife and I are going somewhere, after I get dressed she'll look at me and say "that doesn't match" or "that looks terrible" then picks out my clothes. Later she'll ask me "How do I look" Like I all of the sudden have taste!
"A hunt based only on trophies taken, falls far short of what the ultimate goal should be." -Fred Bear
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Re: Why women should not take men shopping
[Re: Big Tony]
#401472
08/18/08 10:30 PM
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Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 306
steel shot
Bird Dog
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Bird Dog
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 306 |
Quote:
Aint it the truth. When my wife and I are going somewhere, after I get dressed she'll look at me and say "that doesn't match" or "that looks terrible" then picks out my clothes. Later she'll ask me "How do I look" Like I all of the sudden have taste!
Now that is so true. That happened to me just this last weekend.
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Re: Why women should not take men shopping
[Re: steel shot]
#401473
08/19/08 02:19 PM
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 13,451
Seadog
THF Celebrity
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THF Celebrity
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 13,451 |
The only way my wife can get me to go shopping with her is to drop me off at Gander Mountain and pick me up when she gets done.
I support Cap and Trade - Cap our spending and Trade Obama
I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the Government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them. - Thomas Jefferson
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Re: Why women should not take men shopping
[Re: Seadog]
#401474
08/22/08 10:43 AM
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 8,420
Dave Davidson
THF Trophy Hunter
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THF Trophy Hunter
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 8,420 |
I pretty well broke my Wife from shopping for my clothes.
In the past, when I needed jeans, shirts, etc, she was all over it and "helping' me pick out everything. Lots of disagreements and either she got her feelings hurt or I got my butt chapped. Sometimes she brought home new shirts that she figured would look good on me. Most had no pockets or were something that I wouldn't wear in a color that Crayon wouldn't recognize.
Then the time came when she needed to go shopping for some new clothes. I went and got in the car. She asked what I was doing. I told her that I was going to help her with her clothes shopping. This shouldn't take long I told her. I have a pretty good idea where we can go and get this over with pretty quickly.
I no longer have a problem.
Last edited by Dave Davidson; 08/22/08 10:45 AM.
Without a sense of urgency, nothing ever happens.
Boy, if I say "sic em", you'd better look for something to bite. Sam Shelley, Rancher Muleshoe Texas 1892-1985 RIP
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