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southern humor
#3503761
08/23/12 05:02 PM
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Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 22,997
fadetoblack64
OP
giddyup
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OP
giddyup
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 22,997 |
Florida A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!" and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding--a reason I've never before heard -- I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused then said: "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.
"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper. Georgia The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings." Louisiana A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying ... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana ." When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana 'cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world." Mississippi The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?" The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number." North Carolina A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I got a flat tahr." The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither." Tennessee A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?" Texas The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head." "Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.' " *** Y'all kin say whut y'all want 'about the South, but y'all never heard o' nobody retirin' an' movin' North.
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Re: southern humor
[Re: fadetoblack64]
#3503865
08/23/12 05:32 PM
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 29,167
TXHOGSLAYER
THF Celebrity
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THF Celebrity
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 29,167 |
LETS GO BRANDON
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Re: southern humor
[Re: Weldin Man]
#3507805
08/24/12 07:48 PM
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Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,032
Nightbird
Pro Tracker
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Pro Tracker
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,032 |
James
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger" Friedrich Nietzsche
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Re: southern humor
[Re: Nightbird]
#3507809
08/24/12 07:48 PM
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Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 7,402
TooLow
THF Trophy Hunter
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THF Trophy Hunter
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 7,402 |
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Re: southern humor
[Re: TooLow]
#3508329
08/24/12 10:19 PM
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 274
JCLC43837
Bird Dog
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Bird Dog
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 274 |
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Re: southern humor
[Re: JCLC43837]
#3512704
08/26/12 01:35 PM
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 4,243
Erny
Extreme Tracker
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Extreme Tracker
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 4,243 |
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Re: southern humor
[Re: Erny]
#3515051
08/27/12 02:44 AM
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 6,841
BBD84
THF Trophy Hunter
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THF Trophy Hunter
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 6,841 |
Texas Elite Outfitters. 281-924-9720
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Re: southern humor
[Re: BBD84]
#3516705
08/27/12 06:15 PM
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Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 16,671
Texsun
THF Celebrity
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THF Celebrity
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 16,671 |
Sig Sauer P229 Elite, P226 Elite, SP2022 S&W Model 3 Win. Model 70's: 220 Swift, 270, 30.06, 300 Win Mag, 375 H&H Savage Model 99 250-3000 Colt 6920 Ruger 10-22 Swedish and Chilean Mausers Browning Citori White Lightning
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Re: southern humor
[Re: Joelk54]
#3601494
09/25/12 01:48 AM
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 554
Rglover
Tracker
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Tracker
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 554 |
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Re: southern humor
[Re: Kung Fu Widgeon]
#3887602
12/27/12 03:04 AM
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 240
JD_HUNTS_TX
Woodsman
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Woodsman
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 240 |
The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government. Thomas Jefferson
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Re: southern humor
[Re: JD_HUNTS_TX]
#3888520
12/27/12 02:57 PM
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 634
floresrsr
Tracker
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Tracker
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 634 |
Once we have a war there is only one thing to do. It must be won. For defeat brings worse things than any that can ever happen in war. Ernest Hemingway
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Re: southern humor
[Re: floresrsr]
#3963906
01/17/13 06:18 PM
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Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 807
Jacobst54
Tracker
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Tracker
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 807 |
Them theres some fine jokes
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Re: southern humor
[Re: Jacobst54]
#3965282
01/18/13 12:48 AM
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Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,199
Alpha&Omega
Pro Tracker
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Pro Tracker
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,199 |
Scito Te Ipsum
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Re: southern humor
[Re: Alpha&Omega]
#3998837
01/27/13 11:37 PM
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 3,743
Mr Redneck
Extreme Tracker
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Extreme Tracker
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 3,743 |
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Re: southern humor
[Re: Mr Redneck]
#4006245
01/30/13 12:55 AM
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Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 47
yoda11
Light Foot
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Light Foot
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 47 |
Everything you pour over a cows back eventually runs off of her belly!
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Re: southern humor
[Re: yoda11]
#4013596
02/01/13 04:07 AM
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 125
Divertex78
Woodsman
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Woodsman
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 125 |
The first one makes me laugh everytime I hear it.
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Re: southern humor
[Re: rsalaud]
#4019234
02/03/13 08:57 AM
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Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 618
Oxxon
Tracker
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Tracker
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 618 |
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Re: southern humor
[Re: Oxxon]
#4024469
02/05/13 04:24 AM
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Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 176
TexasPrincess
Woodsman
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Woodsman
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 176 |
I declare to you that woman must not depend upon the protection of man, but must be taught to protect herself, and there I take my stand. -- Susan B. Anthony
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Re: southern humor
[Re: TexasPrincess]
#4087452
02/27/13 08:26 PM
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 6,183
Mike Honcho
THF Trophy Hunter
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THF Trophy Hunter
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 6,183 |
“Two things that define an individual what you do when you have everything, and what you do when you have nothing."
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