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HOW TO START A FIGHT
#3509631
08/25/12 06:02 AM
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 13,451
Seadog
OP
THF Celebrity
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OP
THF Celebrity
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 13,451 |
HOW TO START A FIGHT
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
________________________________
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to fool around?'
'No,' she answered. I then said,
'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...
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I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started.....
_______________________________
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My Word!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...
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When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, the car.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
______________________________
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...
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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started......
______________________________
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's darn near perfect."
And then the fight started........
________________________________
I support Cap and Trade - Cap our spending and Trade Obama
I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the Government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them. - Thomas Jefferson
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Re: HOW TO START A FIGHT
[Re: Seadog]
#3515060
08/27/12 02:45 AM
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 6,841
BBD84
THF Trophy Hunter
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THF Trophy Hunter
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 6,841 |
Texas Elite Outfitters. 281-924-9720
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Re: HOW TO START A FIGHT
[Re: BBD84]
#3516680
08/27/12 06:10 PM
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Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 16,671
Texsun
THF Celebrity
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THF Celebrity
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 16,671 |
Sig Sauer P229 Elite, P226 Elite, SP2022 S&W Model 3 Win. Model 70's: 220 Swift, 270, 30.06, 300 Win Mag, 375 H&H Savage Model 99 250-3000 Colt 6920 Ruger 10-22 Swedish and Chilean Mausers Browning Citori White Lightning
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Re: HOW TO START A FIGHT
[Re: Texsun]
#3518640
08/28/12 02:40 AM
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,504
seacam
Pro Tracker
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Pro Tracker
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,504 |
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Re: HOW TO START A FIGHT
[Re: seacam]
#3521711
08/29/12 12:14 AM
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Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 206
Kelly223
Woodsman
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Woodsman
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 206 |
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Re: HOW TO START A FIGHT
[Re: Kelly223]
#3523136
08/29/12 08:19 AM
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Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 714
P1DTAY
Tracker
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Tracker
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 714 |
Ya got me cracking up here!
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Re: HOW TO START A FIGHT
[Re: P1DTAY]
#3523348
08/29/12 12:58 PM
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Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 878
therock
Tracker
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Tracker
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 878 |
Now you can a new one to the list. Read these jokes to my wife AND THEN THE FIGHT STARTED!!
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Re: HOW TO START A FIGHT
[Re: therock]
#3543166
09/05/12 05:29 AM
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Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 14,297
Ramsey
Pepe' Le Pew
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Pepe' Le Pew
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 14,297 |
Big Beckett!!
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Re: HOW TO START A FIGHT
[Re: Ramsey]
#3545107
09/05/12 09:19 PM
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 557
HICKORY12
Tracker
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Tracker
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 557 |
Remember The Alamo. And GOD BLESS ROBERT E. LEE. [IMG]
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Re: HOW TO START A FIGHT
[Re: Kelly223]
#3547890
09/06/12 06:45 PM
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 5,339
caldwelldeerhunter
THF Trophy Hunter
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THF Trophy Hunter
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 5,339 |
If I put my wife in a high fence will her rack get bigger?
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Re: HOW TO START A FIGHT
[Re: Joelk54]
#3563302
09/12/12 03:12 AM
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Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 82
Mr Lebowski
Outdoorsman
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Outdoorsman
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 82 |
I can relate to a few of them.....
Slayer of winged birds, sniper of four legged animals, Warrior of God!
Thank you Lord for providing us in the spiritual and physical aspects of our lives. You have given plenty of game for us to feed our families and pass on the heritage. God Bless Texas
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Re: HOW TO START A FIGHT
[Re: Mr Lebowski]
#3601490
09/25/12 01:48 AM
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 555
Rglover
Tracker
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Tracker
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 555 |
Tell her you just bought a boat & get ready for the fight.
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Re: HOW TO START A FIGHT
[Re: Rglover]
#3604192
09/25/12 10:09 PM
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Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 401
"philo"
Bird Dog
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Bird Dog
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 401 |
"philo"
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