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'NEW PRIMARY CARE PHYSICIAN'
#2490673
08/09/11 09:45 AM
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 13,451
Seadog
OP
THF Celebrity
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OP
THF Celebrity
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 13,451 |
'NEW PRIMARY CARE PHYSICIAN'
Love this Doctor!
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?
Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure? A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle? A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember: Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans...
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
I support Cap and Trade - Cap our spending and Trade Obama
I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the Government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them. - Thomas Jefferson
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Re: 'NEW PRIMARY CARE PHYSICIAN'
[Re: Seadog]
#2491331
08/09/11 04:21 PM
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 1,612
bull frog
Pro Tracker
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Pro Tracker
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 1,612 |
True.....So True..............
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Re: 'NEW PRIMARY CARE PHYSICIAN'
[Re: bull frog]
#2491399
08/09/11 04:50 PM
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Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 557
HICKORY12
Tracker
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Tracker
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 557 |
Remember The Alamo. And GOD BLESS ROBERT E. LEE. [IMG]
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Re: 'NEW PRIMARY CARE PHYSICIAN'
[Re: HICKORY12]
#2491781
08/09/11 07:57 PM
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 603
ramit315
Tracker
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Tracker
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 603 |
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Re: 'NEW PRIMARY CARE PHYSICIAN'
[Re: ramit315]
#2493182
08/10/11 05:36 AM
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 1,380
redfred
Pro Tracker
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Pro Tracker
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 1,380 |
"CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you."
I can't wait to tell that one to my Indian doctor!
Alcohol,Tobacco, and Firearms. Should not be a government bureau. Should be a department store.
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Re: 'NEW PRIMARY CARE PHYSICIAN'
[Re: redfred]
#2506609
08/15/11 08:49 PM
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Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,488
Kory
Pro Tracker
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Pro Tracker
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,488 |
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Re: 'NEW PRIMARY CARE PHYSICIAN'
[Re: Kory]
#2544644
08/29/11 11:29 PM
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Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 12,547
chital_shikari
Minor in training
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Minor in training
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 12,547 |
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