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Divorce Agreement
#1527554
07/12/10 11:06 PM
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 1,175
txbowhunt7
OP
Pro Tracker
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OP
Pro Tracker
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 1,175 |
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.
Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
Here is a model separation agreement: Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.
We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal*Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .
You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.
We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.
We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.
You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem." I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya" or "We Are the World".
We'll practice trickle-down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.
Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.
Sincerely, John J. Wall Law Student and an American
P.S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbra Streisand, & Jane Fonda with you.
P.P.S. And you won't have to press 1 for English when you call our country.
,
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Re: Divorce Agreement
[Re: txbowhunt7]
#1527696
07/13/10 12:53 AM
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 6,762
psycho0819
THF Trophy Hunter
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THF Trophy Hunter
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 6,762 |
Tolerance is the virtue of a man without conviction.
The end of the world began the day it was created, and life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.
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Re: Divorce Agreement
[Re: psycho0819]
#1527705
07/13/10 12:58 AM
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 5,350
erniejs
THF Trophy Hunter
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THF Trophy Hunter
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 5,350 |
We get old too fast and wise too slow
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Re: Divorce Agreement
[Re: erniejs]
#1527864
07/13/10 01:58 AM
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,659
Hopedale
THF Trophy Hunter
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THF Trophy Hunter
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 6,659 |
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Re: Divorce Agreement
[Re: Hopedale]
#1527931
07/13/10 02:21 AM
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,507
Nontypical3006
Veteran Tracker
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Veteran Tracker
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,507 |
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Re: Divorce Agreement
[Re: Nontypical3006]
#1528062
07/13/10 03:11 AM
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Joined: May 2010
Posts: 406
Trigger27
Bird Dog
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Bird Dog
Joined: May 2010
Posts: 406 |
Well said!
50 Days Till Dove Season!!!
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Re: Divorce Agreement
[Re: West Fork Armory]
#1528262
07/13/10 05:05 AM
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 10,887
DannyB
THF Celebrity
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THF Celebrity
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 10,887 |
That author has a future...............
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Re: Divorce Agreement
[Re: txbowhunt7]
#1530968
07/14/10 05:08 PM
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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 5,888
LarryCopper
THF Trophy Hunter
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THF Trophy Hunter
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 5,888 |
We'll practice trickle-down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot. I'm gonna take that line and make it my own!
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Re: Divorce Agreement
[Re: LarryCopper]
#1549885
07/23/10 07:29 PM
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Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,858
Drop Tine
THF Trophy Hunter
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THF Trophy Hunter
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,858 |
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