Texas Hunting Forum: Redneck Tree Inspector

A REDNECK FROM GEORGIA DECIDES TO TRAVEL ACROSS THE
SOUTH TO VIRGINIA TO SEE GOD'S COUNTRY.

WHEN HE GETS TO FRANKLIN, HE LIKES THE PLACE SO MUCH
THAT HE DECIDES TO STAY. BUT FIRST HE MUST FIND A JOB!!!!

HE WALKS INTO THE INTERNATIONAL PAPER COMPANY OFFICE
AND FILLS OUT AN APPLICATION AS AN EXPERIENCED LOG
INSPECTOR. IT'S HIS LUCKY DAY!!! THEY JUST HAPPEN TO
BE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE, BUT FIRST, THE LOG FOREMAN TAKES HIM
FOR A RIDE INTO THE FOREST IN THE COMPANY PICKUP TRUCK TO
SEE HOW MUCH HE KNOWS. THE FOREMAN STOPS THE TRUCK ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD AND POINTS AT A TREE. "SEE THAT TREE
OVER THERE? I WANT YOU TO TELL ME WHAT SPECIES IT IS AND HOW
MANY BOARD FEET OF LUMBER IT CONTAINS."
THE REDNECK PROMPTLY ANSWERS, "THAT THAR'S A
WHITE PINE, 383 BOARD FEET OF LUMBER IN 'ER."
THE FOREMAN IS IMPRESSED!!! HE PUTS THE TRUCK IN
MOTION AND STOPS ABOUT A MILE DOWN THE ROAD. HE POINTS AT
ANOTHER TREE THROUGH THE PASSENGER WINDOW AND ASKS THE SAME
QUESTION. THIS TIME, IT'S A BIGGER TREE OF A DIFFERENT CLASS.
THAT'S A LOBLOLLY PINE AND SHE'S GOT ABOUT 456 CLEAR BOARD FEET. THE FOREMAN IS REALLY IMPRESSED WITH THE GOOD
OL' BOY, HE HAS BEEN QUICK AND GOT THE ANSWERS RIGHT
WITHOUT USING A CALCULATOR!!!! ONE MORE TEST.
THEY DRIVE A LITTLE FURTHER DOWN THE ROAD, AND THE
FOREMAN STOPS AGAIN. THIS TIME, HE POINTS ACROSS THE ROAD
THROUGH HIS DRIVER SIDE WINDOW AND SAYS, "AND WHAT
ABOUT THAT ONE?" BEFORE THE FOREMAN FINISHES POINTING, THE REDNECK SAYS, "WHITE OAK, 242 BOARD FEET AT BEST"
THE FOREMAN SPINS THE TRUCK AROUND AND HEADS BACK TO
THE OFFICE A LITTLE TICKED OFF BECAUSE HE THINKS THE RED
NECK IS SMARTER THAN HE IS. AS THEY NEAR THE OFFICE, THE FOREMAN STOPS THE TRUCK AND ASKS BUBBA TO STEP OUTSIDE. HE HANDS HIM A PIECE OF CHALK AND TELLS HIM, "SEE THAT TREE OVER THERE?"
I WANT YOU TO MARK AN X ON THE FRONT OF THAT TREE!!
THE FOREMAN THINKS TO HIMSELF, "IDIOT, HOW WOULD
HE KNOW WHICH IS THE FRONT OF THE TREE?"

WHEN BUBBA REACHES THE TREE, HE GOES AROUND IT IN A
CIRCLE WHILE LOOKING AT THE GROUND. HE THEN REACHES UP AND
PLACES A WHITE X ON THE TRUNK. HE WALKS BACK TO THE FOREMAN
AND HANDS HIM THE CHALK. "THAT THAR'S THE FRONT", THE REDNECK SAYS. THE FOREMAN LAUGHS TO HIMSELF AND ASKS SARCASTICALLY,
"HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU KNOW THAT'S THE FRONT OF THE TREE?"

THE GOOD OL' BOY LOOKS DOWN AT HIS FEET, WHILE RUBBING THE TOE OF HIS LEFT BOOT CLEANING IT IN THE GRAVEL AND REPLIES, "CUZ SOMEBODY TOOK A DUMP ON THE BACK SIDE OF IT!"

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