Little kids jokes please ??

I dont think I even knew this section was here !!

Im needing some jokes for my buddies 5 year old daughter. I made the mistake of telling her a couple when she was a little younger and she is always asking me to tell her a joke everytime I see her ! The last on I told her was "how do you spell I cup?" She figured it out but my buddies wife gave me the stink eye cause she went around say "I see you pee" for two weeks.

ANy little kids jokes you guys know would be great !!

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer.

a little black kid asked a little white kid if jesus was white or black. the little white kid said, well why dont you ask him? so the little black kid said jesus are you black or white? and jesus said: i am what i am. and the little white boy responded: see, if he was black he would have said i is what i is.

Thanks, I havent heard that on in a long time and its a good one but I need some jokes FOR little kids not ABOUT little kids !!

Id love to tell her that one but it would go right over her head and Im sure I would get teh stink eye froom momma !!

The 5yr old next door told me this one. What did the hair lip dog say? Mark Mark

Why did tigger look inside the toilet?










He was looking for Pooh!

What do you call a boomarang that doesn't come back?

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A STICK!

Why does a pony have a raspy voice?


Cause he's a little horse!

How do you catch a squirrel?

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Climb up a tree and act like a nut!

A grasshopper goes into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender gives him his beer and sits down in front of him and says, "you know we don't get many like you in here." And the grasshopper just sips his beer. The bartender says, "matter of fact, we don't get any like you in here at all." The grasshopper just sips his beer. The bartender says "we even have a drink named after you." The grasshopper slowly looks up from his beer and says, "You have a drink named Bob?"

2 ducks are going to go camping. They travel for 2 days to their camping spot. As they start unpacking one of the ducks noticed that they had forgot to bring drinks. He tells the other duck to go back home to get the drinks and the other duck replies "No way. When I leave you are going to eat those sandwiches" They argue for 30 min and finally the duck agrees to go back and get the sandwiches, so he leaves out. 4 days go by and the other duck has not returned. Finally after the 6th day the duck decided "man im gonna have to eat one of these sandwiches, im starvin" so he takes out a sandwich and bites into it. The other duck jumps out from behind a tree and yells "Aha I knew you was gonna eat them sandwiches"

I heard one like that. It goes...why does tigger always stink?..cuz he plays with pooh.

This is long, but I like it.

A Duck goes into a pharmacy. The Duck is going up and down the aisles. The pharmacists askes, "can I help you?" The Duck says "Yea, you got any grapes?" The pharmacist says, "no, this is a pharmacy, we don't have grapes, now get out, Ducks aren't allowed in here," And throws the Duck out, The Duck sneeks back in and starts going up and down the aisles again. The pharmacist sneaks up on him and says loudly, "CAN I HELP YOU? The Duck says, "yea, you got any grapes?" The pharmacist says "NO, WE DON"T HAVE GRAPES THIS IS A PHAMACY. IF YOU COME BACK IN HERE AND ASK FOR GRAPES AGAIN, I'M GONNA NAIL YOUR WEBBED FEET TO THE FLOOR." And throws the Duck out. The Duck sneeks back in and starts going up and down the aisles again. The irate pharmacist asks the Duck one last time, "CAN I HELP YOU?" and the Duck says, "yea you got any nails?" and the pharmacist says, "NO" The Duck says, "good, you got any grapes?"

A man and his young daughter were walking around outside. The man marveled at how smart his child was and how innocent her take on nature was.

As he walked with her towards the park he turned and noticed she had stopped. He walked towards her, wondering what wonderful thing in nature had caught her eye.

As he got closer he noticed she was watching two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are those spiders doing?" She asked.

"Those spiders are mating, honey."

"Well what is the spider on top called daddy?" The daughter continued to watch in amazement.

"A daddy long legs."

"Is the spider on the bottom called a mommy long legs?" The little girl asked.

The father chuckled at her take on life and replied, "No sweety, that is also a daddy long legs."

The daughter pauses a moment before smashing her foot on top of them.

Bewildered her father asked, "Why did you do that?"

The little girl replied, "We don't need any of that
brokeback mountain crap going on here!"

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree??

Cuz it was dead.

What's the difference between broccoli and boogers?

Kids won't eat broccoli.

What did the green grape say to the purple grape ?


















Breath DUDE breath

2 muffins are in an oven, one muffins turns to the other and says, "boy its hot in here" the other one turns and screams "oh my god a talking muffin"


its funnier when someone good at telling jokes is telling it


a bear walks into a bear, bartender asks whatll ya have, bear says ill have aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa bud light. bratender says why such a big paws. bear says i donno, i was born with em.


again, i suck at telling jokes on the internet

Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 - 8 - 9 (7 ate 9)

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To prove to the armadillo that it could be done.

What did the fish say when it hit a wall
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DAM!

What is invisible and smells like carrots?







Bunny Farts.

What are you when you pee in France. Your-a-peein' (Eur-o-pean)

BREAKING NEWS


The Energizer Bunny has been arrested.....













.....for BATTERY.

What did one snowman say to the other?
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Do you smell carrots?

A farmer was in town watching the parade when he saw a dog in the parade, limping and wearing a pistol. He hollers at the dog asking why he is wearing a pistol. Dog hollers back,
"I'm looking for the guy who shot my pa(w)."

People should quit drinking tea at 9:00 pm or they will become members of the pistol club. They either sleep in their tepee or stay up all nite and pistol dawn.

If a bean is a bean whats a pea? A relief.

Did you hear about then two peanuts walking down the street????







One was "a salted"........

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no eye deer.

There is a third part to this joke but its not for children.

Why did the cactus cross the road?







Because it was stuck to a chicken......

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?




In case he got a hole in one

Do you know how to keep Brandon972 in suspense??????
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What do you call a dog with no legs?
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Doesn't matter what you call him, he ain't coming

HOW TO CATCH A POLAR BEAR:
Cut a hole in the ice place peas around the hole.
When the bear bends over to get a pea, kick him in the icehole!