Personal Question

I’ve reached a point in my life that I’m not sure what to do. My wife and I had our first child at the end of December. I didn’t do really any hunting this season because it was impossible to get away and leave the baby. I’ve spent the past four years hunting at my family’s property in Canton, and I’ve seen only a handful of legal deer in that time. I mentioned to my wife that I would like to look into joining a deer lease this upcoming year. I mentioned some of the cheaper leases that I found and she was not on board. We are both teachers, so she doesn’t feel we will have the money for a lease. Plus we now have all of the expenses that come with a child. She’s also afraid that I’ll be gone all the time leaving her with the baby. She doesn’t see how I could be the best father for our child but also spend time away. She thinks that even one weekend away a month is too much.

Now I’m faced with many questions. I can do public hunting, but you guys know the success rates involved with public hunting. Plus I feel public hunting requires more time and effort than having a lease. How do you guys juggle being fathers and husbands while being hunters? Does it sound like I should even continue hunting? I’m tired of spending time and money and constantly being unsuccessful or even getting a real shot at an animal.

Not looking for a pity party. Just advice.

when they are young, its tough. it gets easier when they get older. trust me. i got three little girls and i hunt plenty.

once you and the wife get the hang of the baby thing, it aint no problem to be alone with the kid. that dont mean leave her alone all the time, but shell get to the point of being ok with you leaving to go hunting.

the lease will probably have to wait though lol

Weekend hunt with quality outfitter or day lease.

As far as the issues between you two, I'd say get counseling now.
Many good fathers have / had jobs that required travel / time away from home ranging from a few days per week to months at a time.
A few weekends per year spent hunting shouldn't be that big of a deal.
If she's attempting the guilt trip thing, good luck.

Sounds like your wife won’t let you hunt anymore because you’ve had a kid. I’d start with lining that out right quick.

Prior to hunting season I try and have all the dates I am going to be gone on the calendar so there are no surprises.

I agree you should wait maybe one more year to look for a lease.

However, if my opinion everyone needs their time away, you can't spend every waking moment without going crazy. Hopefully you are telling her that you don't mind her to go on a girls weekend on occasion. To me spending every moment of free time you have with your child doesn't make you a better father if you are gone hunting once a month.

This for me and once the kiddos were older I just took them with me. win win

Use this time to spend a few dollars buying points in other states. It’s relatively inexpensive to apply for points. Only when you draw the tag does it cost you a couple hundred bucks which is still way cheaper than an annual lease expense. By the time your child is 4-5 you’ll have enough points to hunt quite a few animals. It will be a one time trip the year you go (a weeekend to a week at most). You’ll be out very little money compared to the expense of a lease. I would give up my lease in a heart beat if it wasn’t that I wanted a place for my kids and father to hunt. Otherwise I wouldn’t bother with the expense and headaches.

As far as helping out at home, there isn’t an alternative. You do what you are expected to do. As mentioned above, you guys will quickly figure things out. You might consider once your child gets a little older, surprise your wife and say “hey, you need some time away from the kid. I’ll take care of him/her for the weekend. Go be with your friends. I got this.” She will 1) realize hey, if he can do this by himself so can I. 2) She will also realize you need your time alone also..... to go hunting. It will work out, just don’t make her feel like she is doing it alone otherwise you won’t ever get a “hall pass” to get out of the house. Good luck.

I started taking my boy hunting with me when he was 2 years old. The first year of taking him hunting consisted of the two of us taking a walk through the public hunting land on the north end of Lake Lavon while I carried my old single shot .410. We went quite a few times the first year and shot nothing. I taught him about tracks, rubs and scrapes, trails, food and brouse, etc. The second year, it was more of the same, except he had learned to be a little more quiet and we shot a few squirrels and rabbits, and he got to see the the concept of "field to table". Yes, he ate squirrel and rabbit stew with a vengeance. This continued for a number of years with me getting very little opportunity to hunt deer, matter of fact, I think I went 4 years without killing a single deer. No does, no bucks, nothing. Every year we would hunt together and I would slowly introduce new hunting and tracking skills. When he was old enough, I got him a little cricket .22, and that's when things got really fun. He would sit with me in the stand and shoot squirrels while I hunted deer. Last year, he killed 3 squirrels and I shot a fat doe on the same hunt. This year, I got him a deer rifle, and we would sit in the stand deer hunting together. He would be allowed to take any shot less than 100 yards, I took any shot over 100 yards. I connected on a big buck first at 200 yards, and the last weekend he connected on a very nice first buck for a 9 year old. Although I spent quite a few years not deer hunting, I would not give up any of those memories, and now he is as passionate about hunting as I am, and I have a lifelong hunting partner.



You sir do not have a problem, you have the opportunity of a lifetime.

This is good advice.

My son will be two next month. I did almost no hunting the first year for pretty much the same reasons you have stated. Trust me, everything about the situation gets better. The biggest thing is they just take less work as they get older and it gets a lot easier for one person to handle. For the first six months, my wife couldn't take him to the grocery store by herself. Now, a week alone while I hunt is not a big deal. Don't push the issue now while it still seems so overwhelming to her, wait until she is comfortable spending longer times along with the little one, which will happen naturally.

What I do now is a combination of putting in for a ton of public land hunts in Texas, as well as building points out west for other trips. It doesn't cost much money at all compared to a lease - if I don't draw anything, its about $300-$400 spaced out over the year. I have had great times on the TX public draws and you get to play the "I won" card. My wife seems to be more understanding under those circumstances. This can also work with western tags with 100% draw odds

After giving up hunting that first year, my wife and I have come to a great understanding. I help out a lot when she needs it, whether it is going out with the girls, gym, beauty salon, etc., to just grabbing the kiddo and heading out on our own on a Saturday to give her some down time. As a result, she is completely fine with me taking one big trip per year, or a couple of shorter trips. Take care of her, and the rest will work itself out. Happy wife, happy life

[quote=unclebubba]I started taking my boy hunting with me when he was 2 years old. The first year of taking him hunting consisted of the two of us taking a walk through the public hunting land on the north end of Lake Lavon while I carried my old single shot .410. We went quite a few times the first year and shot nothing. I taught him about tracks, rubs and scrapes, trails, food and brouse, etc. The second year, it was more of the same, except he had learned to be a little more quiet and we shot a few squirrels and rabbits, and he got to see the the concept of "field to table". Yes, he ate squirrel and rabbit stew with a vengeance. This continued for a number of years with me getting very little opportunity to hunt deer, matter of fact, I think I went 4 years without killing a single deer. No does, no bucks, nothing. Every year we would hunt together and I would slowly introduce new hunting and tracking skills. When he was old enough, I got him a little cricket .22, and that's when things got really fun. He would sit with me in the stand and shoot squirrels while I hunted deer. Last year, he killed 3 squirrels and I shot a fat doe on the same hunt. This year, I got him a deer rifle, and we would sit in the stand deer hunting together. He would be allowed to take any shot less than 100 yards, I took any shot over 100 yards. I connected on a big buck first at 200 yards, and the last weekend he connected on a very nice first buck for a 9 year old. Although I spent quite a few years not deer hunting, I would not give up any of those memories, and now he is as passionate about hunting as I am, and I have a lifelong hunting partner.



You sir do not have a problem, you have the opportunity of a lifetime


Very well stated!

Very nice for all.

This part really scares me for you, honestly. I would bet your wife grew up in a family where no one hunted, which is similar to my wife. But I laid down the law pretty quickly that she can expect me to be gone most weekends from November thru January. She was mad at first because her Dad had no hobbies and that is what she grew up with, but eventually she just accepted it.

I have 4 kids...2,5,7,9. I go hunting almost every weekend and have ever since we started having kids. In fact, I went on a 5 day duck hunting trip when my 3rd kid was 4 weeks old and we had a newborn, 1 year old, and 3 year old. Your wife doesn't realize how easy having only one kid is.

The money part I can understand, and the cost may not be feasible, but saying you can't be a good father by going hunting is absolutely ridiculous.

I agree on this big time

I bought a nice enough travel trailer(nice potty/satellite tv) at my lease that my wife didn't mind going and bringing our son when he was a baby. That way you are not just leaving her by herself every weekend. All my son knows in the fall is hunting

Sounds to me like she already feels like she is carrying the majority of the load when it comes to the child and she feels like you are trying to avoid responsibility by finding a reason to be gone more. I’m not saying this is the case but that’s what it sounds like. Life is about balancing fun/wants with responsibilities/needs. Maybe just go plan a hunt with an outfitter first r the next few years while the kid is a toddler. It won’t require as much work and prep and you will only be gone 1 weekend and chances at game will be much better, price will prob be less than what a lease and feeders/feed would cost for a year. Maybe schedule her a day with her girls friends at a spa or something and take care of the baby. Life is about sacrifices but you shouldn’t have to give up everything and being away from your child for a weekend surely doesn’t make you a bad father.

It sounds like she was not raised around hunting. My first wife wasn't, but honestly, I don't remember her complaining about me leaving her with the girls. Of course, she eventually TOLD me to leave her with the kids...permanently, so take that for what it's worth.

Sounds like you gotta do a lot more talking to her about it.

I'm not a huge fan of Dave Ramsey, but I do like his line "A man has to kill something and drag it home." It's who we are.

I know my wife would be a bigger fan of the deer lease idea if there was a way for us to have lodging with our daughter. I imagine the only way that’d be possible is buying a travel trailer. She enjoys being in the woods, but she wouldn’t ever hunt. My wife’s biggest complaint is the financial part and being separated for the weekend. Doc - you are right in the fact that she didn’t have any family members that were hunters before me.

I would love to go hunting with my daughter in the future. I can tell already that she likes being outside. When she starts crying we usually take her in the backyard and she instantly calms down. I’ve already planned on buying her a 10/22 as her first gun. Uncle Bubba has described how I want to raise my kid.

Maybe I’ll look into travel trailers throughout the year and see if I can get one fixed up. I’ll look into outfitters for next season where I can bring the family. I want my daughter to experience as much as possible. I’ll have to put off the deer lease for another year at minimum.

Any other advice? I appreciate the responses.

You will have to miss out on some trips probably but no reason you cant still go. For this first year may be a good idea to stick to the family land and give her a hand before you go branching out too far. Take care of business at home and she will see... if she doesn't point it out to her.

A Professional Hunter told me once to spend as much on the wife as you do on hunting. He was right.

Shea, It sounds to me like you have a perfect opportunity with your family land that will cost next to nothing. In my little disertation above, Most of my hunting the first five years was on public land. As I had said, my first few years with my boy were spent pursuing squirrel and rabbits. At first, I was bummed out that I was unable to deer hunt the way I was used to doing, but squirrel and rabbit hunting brought me back to my own childhood when I would take to the woods with my .22 and hunt squirrel and rabbits. And just because you have a daughter does not mean she won't enjoy hunting as much as you do. My Dad took my sister hunting too, and they have some of the greatest stories form our family...like the time they spooked some roosted Turkeys when walking in before dawn and one of the Turkeys brushed a wingtip across her face as they flew off. I still chuckle thinking about the look on her face...but I digress. If I were in your shoes, I would build a place on your family land to stay (if there is not one already), and enjoy it for a few years. When your girl gets older, then look for better hunting.

We have always hunted as a family, and still do. Thanksgiving is our annual family hunt. Dad, Me, Sister, brother in law, my niece, my nephew, and of course my Son. Hunting with the family trumps Trophy deer any day of the week in my opinion. That is just my for what it is worth.

Hmm... I think your Professional Hunter must have a talk show cause my wife has been saying the exact same thing

OR at least make it appear that way, LOL!

Give it a little more time, so she can be confident having her by herself. After that, explain to her that your not going to feel happy and content without hunting in your life. Encourage her to share the experience with you if possible. My wife isn't interested in sharing the hunting experience, so I just make sure to balance things out with stuff she likes to do. Marriage is give and take, not laying the law down. This needs to be explained to your wife.

If I read your comments correctly, your wife is mostly concerned with you spending money on a lease and would be agreeable to you hunting the family tract. If so, are you sure you can't find good success on the family tract? How many acres? What type of habitat? I've seen small tracts with poor habitat that could still produce a good buck or two every year.

Go hunt public, enjoy the tranquility, sun rises and sunsets.

Hard hunts for me renew why a hunt.

I’ve been right where you are.

It’s a balance.

IMO “laying down the law” about what you are going to do because that’s the way you’ve always done it is no different than her “laying down the law” that you won’t hunt anymore because you are married with small kid(s) now. As I said, balance.

Communicate. Explain that some hunting time will make you a better father, not a worse one. Explain that you will do whatever you need to make sure she has some “me” time too. After all, she has needs as a person just like you do. I have hunted all my life and all over North America, but I would never have left my wife alone for extended periods with young kid(s). That said, one weekend a month to refresh and recharge you is reasonable even at your stage in life. But it’s reasonable for her have some time too. And don’t forget to have a little time for both of you alone.

Give and take. Balance. Communication.

I would probably seek out family, friends, and/or public land opportunities and forego the lease idea for this year.

Good luck and hope it all works out for you.

Success rate means squat. I started hunting deer in the early 60's. Back then if you saw a deer every time you went out you were very lucky. If you just want to hunt then do it. That is what hunting is about. Now if you want to be guaranteed a deer then you will have to go a different route.

You have a much bigger problem to work on than hunting. New mothers are certainly prone to crazy thinking like that, but I would work on everyone getting use to a new baby first, but as general statement, her point-of-view would be very concerning to me. I wish you luck...

Your family is more important than any hunting. We had 4 kids in five years from ages 25 to 30. As a result there was a 6 or 7 year stretch where hunting got put on the back burner. You go though stages in life and maybe yours is to take a break and keep the home fires tended for a bit. That will change moving forward and in a few years you will have a cherished hunting partner for the rest of your life.

Not to be rude, but this is something that y’all should’ve discussed before having a kid. If hunting means that much to you, then you need to have a serious discussion with the wife.

Don’t pass up the free hunting on family land, it’s better than nothing if money is an issue. Hunting public land vs private land (lease) doesn’t necessarily free up more time. I think it’s the same amount just public land would be all at once where a lease is more spread out through the year

You better get scene control real quick

I had to cut back on hunting for years when the kids were young. I stopped going out of state and gave up my lease in West Texas. I did have the luxury of having land here at home and family land in the panhandle. Wasn't so much my wife but the reality of the profession I ended up choosing. After awhile I carried the kids with me and moved up in my profession. Now I can hunt anywhere I want, but still hunt where it is free. Last couple of years I have started doing some of the things I used to do, but with my son and SIL. I would give up hunting for my family if I had to, but thankfully I never really had too. You just have to do what is best for your family. Good luck.

For the win....

Most of the time, the fight isn't really over the towel you left on the bathroom floor. Sounds like ya'll are equal $ earners. Create some separation by moonlighting, start a side business on your own, or work your butt off during the summer and tell her you are funding your hunting from your side earnings. She may feel like as long as she is working just as hard as you are and earning equal money, you shouldn't take from the family budget. If you spend money on hunting that doesn't come out of the family budget, no problem.

Was Blessed with a wife that enjoyed the out doors also. Hunt & fished while single. Were was raised it was family time & bout pudding on the ... What pappy calls: "hunting & fishing tis Poormans Food Stamps".
We started kids out in diapers camping in tent, we hauled water in little red wagon, had no running water at our trailor, saved up money for well. Only reason got on lease, it was cheap $200.00year lease, & it had hogs, wife found cheap Shasta camper, & it was a family outing. Although it was me doing the hunting, until kids decided they wanted ta go.
Family first, if they weren't allowed, didn't hunt, same with the trophy . Legal is legal is legal. i've eaten my tags, as a conservationalist. Worked the land, brush hog, fixed fence, bailed hay, & knew what it held.
You sound like ya got good head on shoulder.

"The TRUE TROPHY is the memories ya bring back with ya." pappy

Good advice all around. I talked to my wife some more and she has stressed that she wants me to keep hunting. She knows how much it means for me to be out in the woods. We also discussed plans for how I’ll introduce my daughter to hunting when she is older.

My plan for now is to focus on building up our land in Canton. It is 118 acres with about 40 of those in the woods. We can all go down to the family property so it isn’t such a big deal leaving my wife with the baby while I’m out in the mornings during hunts. We might buy a travel trailer in a year or so and go on family trips to state parks. Hopefully when my daughter is older we can get on a lease. I’m going to do my best to get her to love the outdoors like I do.

Edit: I’m also going to keep my public hunting permit and try out some different areas.

Honestly with kids the family place is gonna be your best bet.

My kids are a bit older but having 3 of them there is no way I could pull off having a lease and being there every weekend with the kids schedules with sports, etc.

I keep a small lease close to the house where I can make day trips with the kids ( I don’t hunt it myself ) and my West Texas place where I can put together a few 5 day hunts along with 1 out of state trip a year or every other.

That about sums up my hunting season

You don't have a problem other than worrying about the photos of deer you see posted here and other places. I spend most of my time hunting two tracts in Houston County that are roughly 100 acres each. One of these tracts has cows on it and only 20 acres of hardwood. Just learn as much as you can about deer behavior and hunting tactics and you'll be fine.

You might look into planting some food plots or fruit trees that will draw deer to your place. Not sure where from Canton it is, but I am not too far from you and might be able to help if you need somebody with a weak back and weaker mind!

Dang that's a rough one. I'd say public land is your best option. Leases are so expensive and honestly once you put the money down the work begins..it's a big commitment and it keeps costing more and more money and time.

There must be a balance though. It took a while but my wife understands I work hard all week and spend lots of time at home and sometimes I just need that time in the woods. When I come home from the woods I'm so calm and patient. She sees the difference and understands. I don't drink or smoke or need to hang out with friends at night...I just hunt or fish and she sees the value in it.

I think out of state public land is your best option. Of. Parse apply for TX public lands hunt but honestly it's pretty worthless here in TX. I've applied 8yeats in a row and never been drawn for a hunt. Out of state works best.

If you bowhunt I might be able to help you out. PM me if you bowhunt.

Good luck !!!

I just noticed how far you were..dang I doubt you'd want to drive 6 hrs to Wimberley for a hunt but if you really want to pm me.

Phew tough one.

A. I would stop my wife dead in her sentence if she questioned my fathering. Your wife clearly wants you to not hunt. That's is a problem. It can be solved several ways. One is inviting her to go. Your child will be ready to tag along on hunts before you know it.

Public land does require some leg work. But not more than lease. Like mentioned lease price is just the price of hunting there. Most require split feed split protien. Utility bills. A place to stay. Stands feeders.work weekends.

I hunt a fair amount of public. I enjoy it. But it is not for everyone. If you do want to hunt public you will be doing it with a bow. If you want to talk public hunting on me. I'd don't know anything about the stuff due east of you. But I know some stuff within an hour hour and a half of you.

Good luck. Remember the importance f passing down your hunting traditions to your children. Make sure your wife understands tbat.

Need to see pic of wife before making any recommendations..........

Second wives are usually more accepting of a man's wants & needs.

First off put your family first. Do the financials yourself and you will know if a lease is in the cards or not. You may need to pick up a summer job to pay a lease. Things change for most of us when we have children and every marriage is different. Listen to your inner man and you will know if it's right or not. In my case I just came home and told my wife I had joined a lease. I always took good care of her and my family and didn't ask permission to hunt. I just made sure I always did right by them and my wife knew I would. That is what works for me. Been happily married over 30 years and the only tenuous times were the first year when we were figuring out how things were gonna be. Enjoy your new child. That will be the most important thing you do your whole life.

There is a heckuva a lot of middle ground between “asking permission” and “laying the law down”. And it happpens to be the best ground.

Yes, family first. But why not hunt your people's place for free now. -- The harder the hunt the more satisfaction in the kill. Explain to your wife about a hobby or sport to keep the sanity. It cuts down on a lot of tension around the home. She should get a hobby as well, after the child gets a little older. Time away from each other makes for a much happier home.

Well you probably won't like this. Just for background, I'm 53 years old have been married almost 30 years and have 4 kids, the youngest is now 19.

You need to man up and tell your wife that being a father doesn't mean you are there with the child 24x7. Especially when the child is a few months old. I've traveled for work a lot as my kids were growing up, I also took weekends away to go hunting. As the kids get older they can go hunting with you and you can spend bonding time with them. My kids grew up just fine and my boys still go hunting with me. Yes you can be a great father and occasionally leave the baby's side. Guess what your wife can be a great mother and have some time off away from you and the kid as well. Yeah you get your hunting weekend and she gets a spa weekend with her sisters, cousins, girl friends, ect... You get the kid an 100% quality daddy bonding time.

As for the cost of joining a hunting lease, well that is a financial decision that you and your wife need to make together. But there are cheaper options, public land, finding private land that doesn't charge an arm and a leg or that will trade some work for hunting time. As a teacher you have a couple months off in the summer. A farmer or rancher would love to have someone come out and help around the place. They might even pay you.

Another option is to move you hunting closer. I do a lot of suburban archery hunting. I drive 30 minutes away and hunt a little 5 acre piece of property. I see deer every single time I go there, may not always get a shot at them, but I kill a lot of deer there.

You don't have to give up hunting because you have a kid, but you may have to modify your hunting.

I'm still on my first ex wife.

She’ll never be in board with you paying if you have family land, regardless of how bad the hunting is on the free land. You’ve got a long road to hoe my friend. Sorry to hear that. Hope y’all can figure something out

First my wife is a teacher and seeing how exhausted she is, 10-12 hour days, when Friday rolls around each week I can understand how your wife could be hesitant about you taking off to go hunting. Second, how is the baby doing? Some babies are a relative breeze. They are rarely sick, by three months sleep thru the night and are basically pretty easy to care for. Then there are babies that are just sick most of the time and parents are up during the night getting very little sleep etc. So being a parent definitely is challenging and if you guys are dealing with a baby that's sick a lot you need to be home with her to care for it. And frankly missing a year and being there for the first couple of years is not really a bad thing but I would certainly take exception about the "bad father" thing if you're not there all the time. That's utterly ridiculous!

Just a little advice...make it a point to have date night a minimum of once a month if not twice a month! Give grandpa and grandma a chance to keep and love on their grand baby and you two relax and keep your marriage fresh!! Also make it a point for some alone time for EACH OF YOU! She needs it too. Also incorporate the child INTO YOUR LIFE! Do not make the child's life the center of the universe! Teach your child their proper place in your family and society...we seem to have lost our way in regards to this.

Above all PROTECT YOUR MARRIAGE! Never forget you two came before the child and should be together long after you raise your child.