Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Walmart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.


One day the boss called him into the office for a talk. "Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job when you finally get here, but your being late so often is quite bothersome."
"Yes sir, I know, and I am working on it." "Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear.” “Yes sir, I understand your concern and I’ll try harder.”


Seeming puzzled, the manager went on to comment, “It's odd though you're coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say to you there if you showed up in the morning so late and so often?"


The old man looked down at the floor and smiled. He chuckled quietly, then said with a grin, "They usually saluted and said, 'Good morning General, may I get your coffee Sir?'"

So after landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day.

About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly ,” Good morning and welcome to Walmart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?”

Of course, her children were at least two years apart, and while they did share similar features, they certainly didn’t look like each other.

The woman stopped yelling long enough to say, “Hell no, they ain’t twins. The oldest one’s 9, and the other one’s 7. Why the hell would you think they’re twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?”

So I replied, “I’m neither blind nor stupid, Ma’am, I just couldn’t believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Walmart.”

My supervisor said I probably wasn’t cut out for this line of work.

That would be me also.