With hunting season upon us, it’s time to start preparing for the usual stereotypes that will be making the rounds at camp.

Some of my personal favorites are:

Bill Nye the Deer Guy - knows everything there is to know about whitetail deer, just ask him. Habits, behaviors, preferences and feelings, he is a student of our most populous ungulate. North American whitetail is his Bible. Never mind the fact that illiterate cousin loving hillbillies obliterated the whitetail populations of yesteryear, to be successful in todays time requires a scientific approach that has been honed thru many hours of workshops and online blogs.

Give it another year Glen- Glen’s motto is “ lets give it another year”. Doesn’t matter if the buck was 1/2 of the original pair that came off of Noah’s ark, it’s best to give him another year to see what happens. Glens strategy is to take a buck moments before Mother Nature decides enough is enough and intervenes. Unless, of course, he can convince her to give it another year….

Can’t eat the horns Carl - Usually one of the senior members of the group. “ Can’t eat the horns “ he announces as he drags his 47th consecutive yearling buck up to the skinning rack. At the end of the season (actually every season for the previous 4 decades) he is also the first to announce “ you know, it was an off year, we just didn’t see any big bucks…”

No doe Dan- Dan is a holdover from a time when populations were recovering from those hillbillies previously mentioned. Dan refuses to shoot a doe and has open disdain for anyone else who does. Doesn’t matter if the place has a 1:58 buck to doe ratio, he knows that in order to have bucks you need to have does, and he likes his does in spades.

Gearhead Greg- everyone knows Greg. Has the latest and greatest of all the hunting equipment currently available. Pulls into camp with a shiny new diesel pickup, a brand new toy hauler in tow. Unloads a showroom clean UTV, fills up his new titanium tailgate feeder with DoubleDown+ and proceeds to lay down a yellow brick road until he hits his 600 sq, ranch king blind with its own custom pipe entrance. Once inside, he scours the landscape with thermal imagery and if he does find suitable quarry, he will lay it down with a new Gunwerks rig topped with a Leupold VX-7, because the VX-6 from last year, well, was from last year. He may not even go and hunt but by God, if he does decide to, he will be prepared.

Surveillance Steve- This guy is king of the trail camera. There hasn’t been a deer cross the property that he doesn’t know about. You could shoot a deer 50 miles down the road and he will say “yep, seen that one down by the creek, had a trail cam pic of him”. Is also famous for killing 6 year old deer that he has 8 years of history with….

Hunt all Harold- Harry is a good guy, just loves to hunt…..everything….all day every day. Starts by shooting rabbits on the way to the blind, then moves into doves at the tank mid day. After lunch and an extended coyote calling session, he will hit the blind in hopes of picking up a deer before his evening thermal hog hunt…

Pro staff Pete- Pro staff Pete is a force to be reckoned with. Comes into camp looking with his truck looking like he is ready to run in the Busch Cup, clad in off brand apparel that was bought at the heavily discounted rate of 5% off sales price due to the fact that he is Pro Staff. Every deer he kills makes the bragging board on the Instagram page of 37 different companies. Also known to bring in an off season wedding photographer to document the after harvest ritual which includes precision posing and product placement.

Management Mike- Mike is all about helping out the herd. Prices himself on only taking “management deer” and not the real trophies. Regardless if the deer is a 3 year old 10 point or a over the hill scrub, rest assured Mike has the best of intentions when he squeezes the trigger on yet another management deer…for the greater good of the herd, of course.

The Ranch Nazi- Looking to get away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life and relax down at the ranch and have a little fun? Nein! The Ranch Nazi will make short work of that. He is all about having fun until it is actually time to have fun. Then he will sour faster than a chicken schnitzel in the summer heat. Forget mid day cruising, after hunt drinking or smoking a stogie in camp. All verboten. All game harvested must be logged and any infraction will result in public shaming, expulsion and a fine. Even harvests that fall within the rules will result in a stern talking too, just so you remain compliant. God forbid Steve, Bill and Glen get in his ear, as the after effect results in only .01% of the deer herd being eligible for harvest. Wonders aloud why camp turnover is so high….

I remember the days when you just had to know who the bad snorer was, and you'd try to get to sleep before him. 'Many a pleasant night I've spent on the front porch of a cabin a few miles north of Sisterdale.

we had a MCGyver once. Had more tools in his truck than most have in their garages and boy howdy, he could fix anything.

How's about the guys who like to cook and are good at it?

Don't forget get the Wimpy's who don't bring enough food and lurk around like they will starve when you are eating yours.

I also can recollect a few guys who might, from time to time, consume a lil' too much alchyhol.

Don't forget about guys like me. They are they there, but you never know it.

Define “too much”.


There was about a 10 year stretch where there wasn’t a deer that I killed where I didn’t have a beer cracked.

He was the bad snorer. Rarely hunted. God bless him. Those guys are as rare as hen's teeth and more valuable than gold.

I think he's still alive. 'Came to my brother's funeral. His wife is still a bitch. Not my brother's...oh, she is too.

Pretty good job, TxTro, but you missed a few. Me, for one. And I didnt see you in there either.

you also left out Gorgey Groung Checker you didnt notice at first but then you start wondering what that smell is , and lo and behold you find some bucks that didn't measure up, or how bout Darrel Driver who keeps driving by your spot saying the buck he's after was seen heading your way

I learned Long ago that hunting with people other than friends is not worth it. I got into a fistfight with a 30 yr old little man when I was 17 because I drove too close to his stand. Crazy bastard tried to drag me out of a Jeep. He took a pretty good beating and showed up to camp about 30 minutes after I did. He started hollering at my WW2 vet Papaw about the situation. Papaw told him he needed to leave because his next option wasn’t an [censored] whipping and he had a pistol in his hand. I guided for years and never met another man that serious about deer hunting.

There’s always the prankster on every lease.

all of the personalities are (to me) part of the fun of a lease. We have had a few stinkers that were escorted off at the end of the season but overall I have made some life long friends from folks I met on the lease.

it is also amazing what some people will do with their dignity (or lack thereof) over a deer

great list Txtro !

Im more like this. Scale said he only hunts with friends. If I did that I wouldnt have any new friends cause the deer lease is where I have met most of my really good friends. My situation may be different cause I have done the hunter recruitment on large leases so lots of guys involved and I tried extremely hard to get real good people(not just good deer people). I could turn a good person into a good deer guy but I never want to try to turn a good deer guy into a good person.

A close, older friend, who's since passed on, ran a lease south of Ozona for 20 spots; the guys ranged from Alabama bankers (who were NUTZ about turkey) to scroungy old PWT. He admitted to me that some were less than nice to him. I don't know how he did it. He, and apparently Free, are way better "people persons" than me. Thankful that some gentlemen can do it. My friend had been very close with his gunsmith. The two of them started the lease. Gunsmith died. His son took over the "co-management" spot. 'Walking foreman of the Longshoreman's Union at Houston ship channel. (See UAW discussion.) Typical, arrogant union puke. And his grown son was a mean, belligerent drunk. 2011 fire occurred the one year I was on the place with them. 'Probably a good thing.

You didn’t include the guy that just can’t shoot worth a darn. Never could and never will. I’ve met a few.

Was on a lease once with a Ranch Nazi. I left halfway through the season. If it had been a great lease, I still would have left.

This isn't inspiring me to keep looking for a mule deer lease.

What about Caliber Cal, he is all knowing about any caliber, its ballistics and optimal usage on game any game, deer, hog, elk, Moose, wholly mammooth, whatever. Of course only he shoots the optimal calibers, grain and loads. Hasn't had a wounded animal in 60 years of hunting. Most of his shots are DRT variety, so he says. He's the guy that blames caliber and/or bullet load or grain when someone else wounds or heaven forbid, loses an animal. Most have run into a Caliber Cal or two in their hunting trials....

If you haven't seen the movie, "Escanaba in the Moonlight" you aught to. It's about a family deer hunt on opening weekend, among other things.

My Dad, the smoker. Wondering why he never sees any big bucks. While smoking in the deer stand.

My middle brother, the perennial d##k at the poker table. Big time enforcer of "the rules", whatever they are. Likes to blow the legs off his bucks, at least the front legs. Over the years, this guy has had more unconventional kills that anyone I've ever heard of. His first bow kill was dispatched by a softball bat. He forgot to bring more arrows. He has used a mag light flashlight to dispatch a wounded doe. Broke the flashlight. He chased a wounded buck into the pond, then got into the rowboat to dispatch it with an oar. Last year he was determined to use his collection of lever action 30-30's and ended up losing 3 bucks, wounding all, before he gave up and went home. I've heard him lecture my son in law on taking too many deer. A real joy to be around.

Hatchet Jack, sits in the windiest deer stand we have, very exposed. Hunts all day, never comes in. I have tremendous respect for Hatchet Jack as a dedicated hunter. His personal life is the same mess it is at 65 as it was when he was 25. Some things never change.

Little brother is a fair weather hunter at best. He does make himself useful in the kitchen and isn't bad company.

My best friend is a cheerful regular at the poker table, and sometimes loses. He rarely gets too drunk. His wife makes a great lasagna. He's pretty good with his 30-30 and sometimes gets the big buck

Middle brother's buddy, the dairy farmer, is there for the atmosphere and always finds a way to not shoot a deer. "I thought you were over there" or "I couldn't make out it's head" or some such excuse. I once borrowed his 30-30 to put down a deer wounded by my son in law just to see if it worked. When I jacked out the shell, the casing was green.

The dairy farmers son is a good kid who has had to endure lectures for the past 3 years from his father about how to hunt, which is startling considering who his father is. 3 years ago he let a 12 point buck and a doe run past him over to me. I shot the 12 pointer. When I asked him why he didn't shoot, he said that the doe was shielding the buck (as I said, his father has been training him). I did point out to him that he has both a buck and a doe tag and that he could have dropped them both. The look on his face was pretty special as he considered that. I was glad for his help in gutting and dragging out the 12 pointer.

The neighbors are a whole different chapter. They are real character's!

What about big city Chris Chris. He's generally new to hunting and not really interested in it but goes because it's the Bro thing to do. He is always aiming his 6.5 Creed in the wrong/unsafe direction and dry firing it. Has little interest in ethics and gun safety but is all about the high end wine, whiskey and women. If he ever shot a deer, he'd have to drive it to the processor to have it field dressed.

What about Neck-only Nick? You could bring in an Irish Elk and Nick's only comment, if it was shot anywhere else but the neck, would be that you wasted a lot of meat.

Then there's the Cleaning Kibitzers. They'll watch you over your shoulder like a senior surgeon at a teaching hospital. They don't help in anyway, 'won't hold or hand you a dam thing, but think their comments on how the way you're doing it is different from theirs is helping educate you.

just call me Nick I'm guilty

We all forgot Buzz New Gun gotta have a complete new rig every year of course only the best available (I'm probably guilty here to)

'Last lease I was on had a Nick. He was also the "lease manager" and self-appointed deer expert. Him and his spawn wounded the crap outa game.

How about Dick the dictator-owns the ranch and makes all the rules. You don't like them, go hunt somewhere else.

I would fall into this category, although it would be John the dictator...with a 😃

I've seen and hunted with most mentioned earlier in life, glad I can hunt at the back of the place now a days. As we get older our circle of friends gets smaller and our hunting and fishing circle is even smaller.

Another forgotten one is bad gut Bob. Loves to sneak in that "silent one" on the coldest and rainy nights that clears the bunkhouse. He also volunteers to drop off folks at their blinds and locks the windows on the way there.

^