im busier than a two peckered billy goat in a field full of pretty sheep.

"Well, I'll be dipped in chit..."

"He's as worthless as teats on a boar hog..."

"It's rainin' like a cow peeing on a flat rock..."

"Horny as a three-peckered billy goat..."

"Grab a root and growl..."

sweating like a whore in church

full as a tick

hungry as a hostage

hung like a well rope

sexier than socks on a chicken

F&*%^ed up as a soccer bat

finer than frog hair

harder than woodpecker lips

ain't hit a lick at a snake all day

more than one way to skin a cat

happy as a puppy with two peckers

grinning like a possum eating &$*#

knock the taste out of your mouth

colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra

if a frog had wings he wouldn't bump his arse when he jumped

tore up from the floor up

She's so ugly she could make a freight train take a dirt road.
She's so ugly she could scare the hood ornament off a Mack truck.
It's so dry the cows are giving powdered milk.
It's so dry the catfish have fleas.
I'd say she was hit with an ugly stick, but I think she got hit with the whole tree.

Just because a cat is born in the oven that don't make it a biscuit.

She's so ugly ,she has to sneak up on a glass of water to get a drink!

Or so ugly shed make a freight train take a dirt road!

Or Man it's colder than a witches [censored]!

Or colder than a well diggers behind!

Dumber than a coal bucket.

Happy as a tick on a fat dog.

I'll be all over you like wrinkles on a cheap suit.

I'll be all over you like stink on a wet dog.

It's colder than a brass toilet seat on the windy side of an iceberg.

Huh?

I'll come at you like a spider monkey

Just because you wear a cowboy hat, that don't make you a cowboy.
If you teach a parrot to bark, that don't make it a dog.
If you teach a liberal to salute the flag, that don't make him a patriot.
If you find a kitten in your oven, that don't make it a biscuit.

I'll spin you like the button on the outhouse door.
Drop you like a bad habit.
Give you a turdball for a hickory nut and put you on the wrong road home.

Funny as a screen door on a submarine.
Dumb as a sack of hammers.
Sharp as a bowling ball.

I'll slap a fart out of you that will whistle like a freight train.

Got a hitch in my gitalong

He's about as useless as t!tt!es on a boar hog.

I could shoot the hair off a gnat's a$$ at a hundred yards boy!

She fell from the top of an Ugly Tree and hit every branch on the way down before bouncing her noggin' off the root bundle.

If beauty's only skin deep, somebody needs to skin that gal....

She's so ugly that you would have to tie a pork chop around her neck to get the dog to play with her.

When someone asks an obvious affirmative question you say.... Is a Hog's ars Ham?

Does a cat have a climbing gear?

And If my Aunt had balls, she'd be my Uncle

Cold than a mother- in - law's kiss

Harder than a preachers d@&#

I read the whole thread and I didn't see these;
I'll open up a can of stompazz and pour it all over you.
And when I would say to my Dad, what fur, he would say, cat fur to make kitchen britches.

When I'd say "hey!" he would say "you better save that hay you might marry a jackass someday."

funny guy.

the sun don't shine on the same dogs arc everyday
kids are a lot like farts, kinda annoying when they're not yours
if I knew then what I know now I'd run like heck

I don't know whether to s--- or go blind so I'll just close one eye and fart.

Didn't read them all but my Dad has always said: "this is funner than stomping baby chicks"